I got a nice surprise on the Sunday night of Week 23 with DH coming home 😊. He spent a weekend with our really good friends who made him see that his friendship was wrong and that he should try to make our marriage work and reminded him of the good points about me and our marriage.

We spent some time talking about things which we will start trying to do like talking a couple of days a week on the phone to try and connect and communicate more and better, date nights each week (with every second week to be out of the house with one choosing what to do one time and the other choosing next time) and for us to go away alone every 3-4 months; these things sound really promising for us to rebuild our marriage.

He ended the friendship and asked me to apologise for what I wrote to her. I told him I would but I was also going to make it clear that the friendship is over with no chance of restarting (as long as we are together, but I didn't write that). I did these things and when he saw the message he was initially upset but after a while seemed to be fine. I'm so hoping that there has been no further contact however am not sure how much I want to push trying to check this as I'm wanting to create positivity as we rebuild.

Last Thursday the cold I had got much worse so had 2 days off work due to being lethargic and having chills.

Yesterday B tried to teach me to ride a trail bike (here we call them dirt bikes). Unfortunately I had a small accident within 30 seconds of riding it and fell off the bike. It looks like I have jarred/sprained my shoulder which is rather painful. I'm going to go to the physiotherapist tomorrow and get it looked at, will possibly need X-rays and an MRI scan. We have decided that riding trail bikes will not be one of our joint activities as we are both traumatised from yesterday! I'm just glad that a sprained/jarred shoulder is the worst of it, who knows what could have happened..

Today B came down with my cold, so with his cold and my hurt shoulder we make a good pair!!

Financially I've had no idea of what we've been spending so just used the spending tracking app I have linked to our bank accounts and B's credit cards to put the bulk figures in for the month. Despite the upheaval it looks like our spending hasn't been too crazy amazingly. Not sure of what my shoulder will cost though - it could be anywhere between $125 (physiotherapist consulting fee) and $1000 (if X-rays and MRI scans are required) but it looks like financially we are ok.

It has been a horrible couple of weeks in the VS_ozgirl household.

We have had ongoing marital problems due to a friendship DH has with a female friend which I view as inappropriate. This is why we have been going to marriage counselling.

This has all come to a head a couple of weeks ago due to something I have seen which has made me upset and after a nasty fight, DH has agreed to end the friendship. However he ended the friendship and came home and said that he doesn't know what he wants anymore.

A couple of days later he has said that maybe we need some time apart to see if we can work things out and so that he will know what he wants. I think the reason why he has said this is because he doesn't know why all of a sudden he is doing what he is doing. He knows it's not right, however he thinks that unhappiness within our marriage is the cause - that we have drifted apart after many years.

This was not last Sunday, but the Sunday before. On the Monday night it was apparent that he needs to be elsewhere. He went to one of his best friend's houses for dinner on Tuesday and his best friend (male friend, not the person in question) and his partner agreed to let him stay for a bit.

He went to marriage counselling on his own last week and had a big talk with the marriage counsellor. The marriage counsellor told him not to stay away from home too long as it will become hard to re-interact. He has to go to the counsellor again this week and then we are to go together next week.

He has been at his friend's house since last Wednesday night. We went out to dinner last Friday to talk things out and it seemed promising, however he has been coming around each day of the weekend to do things around the house that need to be done and it is looking less promising over the last couple of days.

I am devastated. I miss him so much. I have told him that he cannot be friends with this woman, and as long as he is our marriage will never work. He understands that if he is to come home he cannot have contact with her ever. Now he is not sure of what his feelings are towards me anymore, or if he wants to be married.

I have told him today that I love him so much, and don't want to throw away the nearly 19 years we have together, and just want him back home. And this hurts so much. He has told me that he knows I love him so much but he just doesn't know what his feelings are, but he just wants to work out what's wrong and move forward.

Last night I heard a loud noise and was scared so called him and just had him on the phone a couple of minutes so I knew that nobody was here and after talking for a minute he was crying down the phone.

He said that he doesn't know what's wrong with him and at the moment he has no feelings, he doesn't know if he's coming or going.

I don't think he's had a chance to miss me because he's seen me nearly every day even though he's staying elsewhere. I told him that when I went to the UK for 2 & 1/2 weeks I didn't miss him at the beginning because I was seeing new things but by the end of the trip I missed him and was ready to come home. I told him to take enough clothes for 5 days so he doesn't have to come home and hopefully he will start missing me.

He's taken some clothes but because I was doing washing today needs to get more and will come over tomorrow when I'm not home.

Everything hurts so much. He's texting me goodnight and it hurts because he's not on holiday, he's trying to work out if he still wants to be with me, and he should be home with me in our bed kissing me goodnight. He asked me if I wanted him to stop doing that and I said no, because even though it hurts like hell I'm glad I'm the last thing on his mind before he goes to sleep.

I had to put new towels out for the week and didn't have to put any on his towel rail because he's not here and that hurt.

I had to do grocery shopping for myself and our animals only and that hurt.

Because there's only me here I cooked up a big batch of beef and red wine casserole and will freeze about 3 nights worth.

I have cancelled all of our transfers into our checking account and credit cards and will transfer money over as needed. I need to work out what we have spent for the week and possibly put in $200 into our checking account.

I told him he can't stay away too long, but what happens in the next couple of weeks is anyone's guess. There will come a time in the next couple of weeks where he will be called to make a choice as to whether he comes home or we break up, and while I'm trying to stay positive I'm devastated in case we do break up.

I know there are far worse things than a break up but this hurts like hell.